Vamp Until Ready » David

Worthing Pier

David — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 17:35:15 +0000

Posted via email from The People’s Republic of Worthing Telegraph

Untitled

David — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 17:33:11 +0000

Posted via email from The People’s Republic of Worthing Telegraph

The American tourist and the Irishman ((tag=joke))

David — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 17:14:58 +0000

An answer I can understand.

An American tourist asks an Irishman:
“Why do Scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?”
To which the Irishman replies:
“If they fell forwards they’d still be in the feckin boat.”

Posted via email from The People’s Republic of Worthing Telegraph

The Magic Penis

David — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 17:02:44 +0000

A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he
thought he’d buy his wife something to keep her occupied.

He went to a sex shop and explained his situation.

The man there said, ‘”Well, I don’t know that I have anything that
will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except for… the Magic
Penis!” The husband said, “The what?”

The man repeated, “The Magic Penis” and pulled out what seemed to be
an ordinary dildo.

The husband laughed, and said, “It looks like a dildo!”

The man then pointed to the door and said, “Magic Penis, door!”

The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started
pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with
vibrations, so much that a crack began to form down the middle.

Then the man said, “Magic Penis, return to box!” and the penis stopped
and returned to the box.

The husband bought it and took it home to his wife.

After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the
Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said “Magic Penis, my
vagina.” The penis shot to her crotch. It was absolutely incredible.
After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and
decided she’d had enough. She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck.
Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off, so she put
her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.

On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over
the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over.
He asked for her license and then asked how much she’d had to drink.

Gasping and twitching, the woman said, “I haven’t had anything to
drink, officer. You see, I’ve got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my
crotch and it won’t stop screwing me.’”

The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied,
“Yeah right… Magic Penis, my ass…!’”

The rest, as they say, is history!

Posted via email from The People’s Republic of Worthing Telegraph